Ted Rall for February 11, 2002
Never again will America be caught by surprise, thanks to these new pillars of american defense. When dropped on a passenger jet, the 100,000-pound terror terminator zeros in on and destroys deadly box cutters. Cost: $925 million A comprehensive notenbom psych warfare program reduces the threat of deadly sneaker bombs by promoting the sandal industry. Mom, apple pie and birkenstocks look! No plastiques! Cost: 1.3 billion Sorry, Osama. There's no way to circumvent this diabolical device. An ambitious super duper jersey barrier program will prevent future 9-11s and revive the concrete industry. Cost: $8 billion. Cool! We'll buy tons of guns with this dough. OK. Now we'll start pissing you off. Foreign aid for future enemies: To guarantee a steady supply of adversaries, we're spending billions to fund people who hate us.