Ted Rall for May 21, 2001
Transcript:
The case of a boy who would have murdered a day laborer had he been conceived goes to a jury. The genetic evidence is irrefutable: if a theoretical boy results from this sperm and the eggs on the table, that boy will kill a day laborer. We can't let that happen! The people rest. Defense objections are considered and duly disregarded. The theoretical boy would have suffered a painful, surreal childhood - theoretically. Shouldn't we cut him some slack? Lots of theoretical children have bad parents, yet they're not probable killers! The verdict: guilty. Society must take a preemptive stand against future possible pre-zygote murderers of their fellow citizens - even people who may never exist enjoy the right to life! Naturally, the defendant will be treated as an adult. Then: the sentence. If an when you two meet in the future, don't have sex. Or at least use protection. Him? No chance. I'm filing an appeal!