Ted Rall for April 09, 1998

Transcript:

Boss talk: constructive advice for today's oppressor. (Man: Today's query: "The booming economy and massive labor shortage are making me consider the unthinkable: giving raises, how can I weasel out of supply-and-demand?") It's mighty tempting to raise wages every time your profits go up... but why waste money on employees when you can keep it for yourself? (Man: Good point- but I'm losing all my best workers to this damn prosperity!) Raising wages isn't the only way to keep workers. Try being nice instead! (Man: I like the way your blush blends with your foundation wanna have sex?) Don't insist on qualified people- let computers pick up the intellectual slack. (Man: it says here on your resume that you're an idiot.) (Man: True.) (Man: Pay is $7 an hour. You start Monday) Pony promotions will erase visions of dancing dollar signs from your drones' brains. (Man: They're made me a senior assistant associate co-manager) (Woman: Congrats) And if all else fails, there's that timeless classic: The phony 401(k)! (Man: And you'll be fully vested in 30 years!) (Man: Yesss!) Next: Eating your employees- can you get away with it?