Ted Rall for November 22, 1997
The medieval newshour. Woman: Hi! I'm fredegund! Man: Hi! I'm Theuderic and today's topic is the crisis in education. Woman: Thanks, Theuderic! The bishopric is stunned by a new study that reveals astonishing ignorance of basic facts among the people. For instance, only 18% of serfs know that the earth is flat! Man: And that's not all, Fredegund. King Chlodeobert recently died of a wasting illness caused by untreated humors. If his doctors had used basic leech therapy, we might not be stuck with chilperic's incompetent rule! Woman: Clearly the monasteries aren't doing the right job educating our youth. Monks ought to be tested! Bad monks ought to be garroted! Otherwise the visigoths will destroy us internationally! I will personally kill any monk who fails to prepare our children for the crusades! Man: Monks aren't babysitters! Parents have to stop evading responsibility. Woman: And that's all the time we have. Next time we'll discuss the heliocentric controversy: should cooperations be forced to confess before execution or just simply killed at once?