Ted Rall for August 02, 1997
Restore America - with free market madness! In 1991, the total assessed value of all real estate in the U.S. was $7 trillion. If all that money had been invested in the stock market, it would have more than doubled by now! (Man: Congrats, Hillary! Your portfolio is now worth $15 trillion!) (Hillary: Excellent) With the market hitting new highs every day, isn't it immoral not to use it? Let's sell off the whole country and put the proceeds into blue chips. Wait a few years until the dow doubles... then buy back the country and have the same amount left over to buy new bombs, schools and other countries! (Bill Clinton: The good news is we bought back America and made a $20 Trillion profit. The bad news is, Al needs it for his upcoming campaign.) What if the market changes? No biggie... we'll just steal a new country and sell it! Next time: Sell your children, invest the cash and buy them back!