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Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: I'm not sure what to write for my next story. Clyde: Why don't you write about a black man who's acted white all his life - always reading books, following the rules and writing stupid stories that make his friends look bad. Lemont: Something on your mind? Clyde: Why do you ask, Whitey?

Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: In order to grow as a writer, I need to hear criticism, Susan, not just praise. I'd appreciate it more than anything if you could find some area where my writing can improve. Susan: Well, sometimes you prose is a little long-wined, Lemont. Lemont: Thanks, now that's valuable feedback. You moron. What do you know about writing?

Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: A good writer writes what he knows, Clyde. Hemingway wrote about struggle because he struggled against inner demons. Richard wright wrote about race because he survived an era when race was everything. Clyde: So you write about being broke? Lemont: I write about obnoxious friends.

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Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: Chapter 8 - Paco sat at home in the dark. He couldn't believe how unlucky he was. "Homeless please help." Lemont: Chapter - Paco sat at home in the dark. He couldn't believe how lucky he was.

Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: Ten months since my first submission to the New Yorker and I still haven't been published anywhere. I'm still broke, I'm still working at a fast food joint and i'm not getting anywhere in my career. As a writer, I get almost no respect. "plunk" ...as a writer, I get no respect.

Candorville by Darrin Bell

Boss: Seriously, Lemont - If you needed a raise, all you had to do was ask. Lemont: You mean that? Boss: Certainly. Your a valued member of the Pigville Pork Burger family. Lemont: Great. Just great. I was writing a story about an evil boss who sadistically kept his humiliated employees in poverty. But now I've lost my inspiration. Boss: Um... You're welcome? Lemont: Don't you realize, man now I have to start all over.

Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: Autobiography, Chapter 12 - one after one, Lemont seemed to be dating his way through Candorville's entire female population. Each woman seemed to worse than the last, Lemont wondered if the universe were playing some huge practical joke on him. Hi Woman: My ex-boyfriend used to say that. Lemont: Lemont was sure the universe was playing some huge practical joke on him.

Candorville by Darrin Bell

Lemont: Dear Susan, today George Bush and John Kerry are coming to Pigville in search of Candorville's one remaining swing voter. The swing voter is a nearly extinct species of man who's so open-minded and deliberate that he hasn't yet decided which candidate deserves his vote - even after months of debate. I wonder who this last noble voter is? Clyde: Check it, fool. The one dude looks like Herman Munster, and I like the Munsters. But the other dude is straight up gangsta - which appeals to me on many different levels.
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