Hey now my Ripley’s Believe It Or Notbuddies! Before I get into it tonight I have to share something a fellow named Ken Otwell posted elsewhere. Ken says “You wanna pull a good one in church? Sing “The House of the Rising Sun” to the tune of Amazing Grace. It fits perfectly and will freak everyone out.” Try it in your head. It works!
I should just leave it there but that’s not how I was raised so here’s a few more “Musical Instruments as Weapons” things, but just a few. Promise. Does anyone know Ken? If so please invite him to join us here at Ripley’s. I think he’d fit right in.Now let me tell you about the Saxophone Family.SOPRANO SAX: Think Kenny G. Aaaarrrggg!!! ‘Nuff said?ALTO SAX: Originally invented by horn player Guido “Sax” Cifone as the result of an evening of much cheap wine and a dare by a fellow drunken horn player. The instrument he produced is neither brass nor woodwind. The only intended victim of this vile weapon is the concert band French horn player. Nothing is worse than hearing a great brass lick only to be obscured by the overly reedy tone and wobbly “vibrato” of some half crazed alto sax doubling the horns and overplaying them. Composers and arrangers are to blame as much as the alto players. Older players unable to temper their 1940’s swing band vibrato are also a danger. The only counter measure is to question their manhood by daring the player to play Charlie Parker’s “Donna Lee” at 230 beats per minute. That should shut ‘em up! TENOR SAX: (Just see Alto Sax) As a counter measure, throw down the gauntlet with a dare to render John Coltrane’s “Giant Steps”. BARITONE SAX: A tenor or alto wannabe, this instrument is flaccid and harmless unless played in the style of Stephen “Doc” Kupka (Tower of Power). His sporadic well placed grunting and punctuated style, when discovered by young players, can cause discomfort among the average school director. The only counter measure to this is self-medication by the t