Hey now, Ripley’s Believe It Or Not fans. How’s it going? I’m sticking with this vein I’ve been in about weaponization of musical instruments. Ready? Here we go. Before we leave the clarinet family let’s look at the Alto, Bass, and Contra Bass Clarinets, the Scud missiles of the clarinet family. Considered low-grade weapons, these clarinets are of limited lethality due to the extreme geekiness of their operators. But that brings us to the dreaded Bassoon. This is a weapon designed to start wars. Used primarily indoors, this weapon’s unique tone can cause great embarrassment in social situations as it’s also known as the “Flatulent Bed Post.” The bassoonist will hide behind a set of curtains at an official state dinner or similar function. With the help of a diplomatic operative during the meal, the intermittent flatulent tones emitted by the bassoon can be blamed on certain visiting high government officials, causing great embarrassment and the possible beginning of hostilities between two countries. The best countermeasure to the bassoon involves lighter fluid and matches (you fill in the blanks).Tomorrow we’ll examine the dreaded Saxophone family but for now, I gotta go I gotta go! That’s my time so Silver Out!