Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for August 13, 2015
Man: We'll take this redheaded spitfire to the boss... he'll decide what to do with her. Man 2: One of our scouts has a note form the big man she was with! The one with the jaw that won't quit! Narrator: Batten down the hatches! Breezy has been captured by pirates! Man 3: "Give back the Redhead or face the angry swarm of my dukes as I parade them across all your faces until you scream for the mothers you obviously didn't listen to. Regards, Rip Haywire." Man 1: That's quite a long-winded threat. Man 2: And it's on embossed stationary! Is that class or what?