Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for April 24, 2014
R.J. Listen, big guy, I'd love to fight your goons in order to get my girlfriend's locket back... But I don't have to. Dicey, you're the best girl in the world. I'll buy you a new locket, one that will be with you always. There's a sale at Jared! Girl: Ohhhh, R.J. all right! Man: Aww, take the stupid locket! Horse: Hurf. Rip Haywire: I'm as baffled as you, midnight. Who knew brains could win a fight?