Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for February 18, 2014
Listen up, Beardy! what the heck were you doing pulling a "127 hours" in that canyon"? He tried to kill me! Rip Haywire: Can you tell us anything about your attacker? Man: He has a sharp knife and likes to stab strangers! That's all I've got! If it wasn't for my smoking' hot knight-ess in shining armor, I'd be a coyote breakfast burrito! Breezy: Tee-hee! Rip Haywire: Tee-hee? Uncle Spur: Watch it, boy, she's always liked strays... which explains you. Rip Haywire: Quiet! Or I'll yank your mustache off from the inside.