Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for October 14, 2019
harry: blimey. monster 1: that seemed somewhat abrupt. monster 2: maybe it'll be better in the movie. voldemort united monster 3: well, i hope so. marm while walking through the forbidden forest, harry bumps into his archenemy, voldemort, and they have the obligatory magic battle. somehow harry turns voldemort into a jar of "marmite" (a nasty english food). this unnerves & confuses voldemort's evil minions. harry: bloody 'ell. sorry, we've been raptured please feed the budgie harry returns to the dursleys to find they've all been raptured up to heaven. so he ends up waiting tables at a quaint ogre-themed "pub" (bennigan's). he's not very good at it. harry: who ordered the phoenix? wild thing: um, i get a salad with that. next - harry potter & the paltry tip!