Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for March 18, 2019
Transcript:
richards poor almanac santa arrival uneventful by richard thompson amid extraordinarily tight security, santa claus arrived today for his annual christmas-related visit, the first since the war on terrorism began. santa: ho ho ho! claus's spokeself, tinky defrost, read a prepared statement. tinky: after receiving numerous complaints from kids from 1 to 92, we are reversing our decision to cancel santa's public appearances. "santa will be available, at a secure location, for gift consultation with those children who clear our stringent screening process." santaland santa's workshop elf 1: have you been naughty or nice? elf 2: please step between the magic candy canes. santa: ho ho ho! requests from the press to meet directly with claus were denied. oop: i have a question for santa! me too. my kid wants barbie's hair salon! tinky: santa is feeding his reindeer and unavailable for comment.
Santa would never do that, but he does allow this travesty. He is just too good at security for all this silliness.