Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 08, 2015
harry: blimey. dragon: that seemed somewhat abrupt. ogre: maybe it'll be better in the movie. troll: well, i hope so. voldemort united marmi while walking through the forbidden forest, harry bumps into his arch-enemy. voldemort, and they have the obligatory magic battle. somehow harry turns voldemort into a jar of "marmite" (a nasty english food). this unnerves & confuses voldemort's evil minions. harry: bloody 'ell. sorry, we've been raptured please feed the budgie h.p. harry returns to the dursleys to find they've all been raptured up to heaven. so he ends up waiting tables at a quaint ogre-theme "pub" ( bennigan's). he's not very good at it. harry: who ordered the phoenix? monster: um, i get a salad with that. next - harry potter & the paltry tip!