Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for February 07, 2016
Pig: Excuse me, sir. Why is Wendy's closed? I need my favorite burger. Employee: We lost our best security guard, Fred. Pig: So? Employee: So until we find another guy as good as Fred we just can't re-open. Pig; But what's so valuable that you need a security guard? Employee: Well, if you must know, we have some very valuable reams of paper. Pig: For what? Employee: TO keep track of our nuclear fission experiments. We do that here, too. Pig: So what does all that mean? Employee: It means no burgers for you. Unless you want to be security guard. Pig: Wendy's, let me in. I want to be your fred, I want to guard your reams and fissions! Pastis: Baby, I was born to pun.