Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 06, 2014
Pig: Hey, Rat, who's your friend? Rat: He's the don of one of the local crime families. But don't bother him. He's messing with some flashlight. Don: It's okay. I'm just putting batteries in it. Pig: Why is it shaped like a woman? Don: It's Elizabeth Hurley, that actress from 'Austin Powers.' I think she's beautiful, so I had it specially made. Pig: Wow, that's really.... Ron: Pig! Pig! I need your help. Pig: Hey, Ron Cey, former third baseman for the L.A. Dodgers. What do you need? Ron: I dropped my keys outside, but it's too dark to find them. Got a light I can borrow? Don: Here. Borrow mine. Ron: Thank you, sir. Be right back. Don: Gosh, I hope it works. Not sure if those batteries were fresh. Pig: Oh... I should check. Oh, key, can you see by the Don's Hurley light? Rat: I'll let a professional hit you.