Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 09, 2010
Danny Donkey hated people." Danny says, "Hate 'em." So he turned them into beers. Work got better. As did church. As did the neighborhood. One day, Danny Donkey was approached by Elly Elephant. "You have made a mistake, Danny Donkey, for you will find that by turning all the people into beers, you will be missing something in your life." Danny Donkey looked at what he had done. And realized she was right. And turned her into a bag of pretzels. Rat says, "'Now I really do have everything,' exclaimed Danny." Stephan says, "Please don't turn my characters into pretzels." Pig says, "Oooh! Oooh! Can I be a powdered donut?"