Bucky with a cellphone ? He’s self-centred and would post pictures of his food, convinced others care. He’d spend his days texting in place of communicating anything of value, convinced his mastery of language surpassed Minette Walters, J.K. Rowling or a John LeCarre, among others. He’d use unecessary short forms suggesting superior knowledge of acronyms, plus emojis to convey feelings, all because his own ability to express himself is not unlike that of a five-year-old. He’d stare at the screen in isolation of his surroundings, losing the ability to perceive beauty, feelings, appearances, or that he just stepped off the curb into the path of a moving vehicle. Convinced of his importance to (un)social media, he’d take endless photographs with his multimillion pixel camera freed from concern about lighting, composition, focus or subject matter, which he’d post to websites owing to his artistic creativity. He’d find comfort no longer having to research anything, because spewing his uninformed opinion first was all that really mattered. He’d spend hours released from the tyranny of exercise, exploring websites ordering sh*t he can neither afford nor need, so delivery companies could gain opportunities to process returns. Convinced and enamoured with his self-importance versus an otherwise useless life, Bucky would eagerly await newer cellphones equipped with superlative features he neither could nor would use, utilizing credit-card interest (at a miserly 21% !) to pay for them. Hell, he’d sleep on the concrete sidewalk overnight in the rain or snow for the privilege of being first in line to purchase. Bucky SHOULD have a cellphone, because he is entitled to its wonderfulness, and he wants to contribute to the economy based upon it. It’s only a few dollars more a month. C’mon, Rob, what are you waiting for ?
November 01, 2017