Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 23, 2004

Transcript:

"How can you say that? Are you insane??" "You're insane!! I regret ever marrying you, you cheap, dumb failure!!!" "Look familiar, folks? You're out with friends when suddenly, you and your significant other get in a big, ugly fight right in front of everybody... Tired of the embarrassment? ...Well, now there's help." "Hi, I?m Dr. Rat, author of the bestselling relationship advice book, 'Give Up, We're All Doomed,' here to tell you about an exciting new advance in marital harmony which we call, 'disengageology,' the secrets of which are available to you now on four audiocassettes for just $59.99. " "As 97% of marital fights begin with conversation, we'll teach you how to never speak to your spouse again... You won't believe the results!" "But that's not all... Because some communication can be done with facial expressions, we'll provide you with sunglasses and a surgical mask, so your partner can never see your eyes or mouth again!" "But we're still not done! Order today and we'll throw in two large hefty bags for you to sit in and hide your bodies, to prevent any sort of unwanted communication through body language." "Once you cease all verbal, facial and bodily communication with your significant other, you will notice a dramatic drop in the number of your fights! ...And so will others!!" "Bob and Sue look so happy together now!" "I'll say!" "Order now!"