LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report) – Amid rumors that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff ten years ago, former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made an emotional confession at a hastily called press conference today.
“I am the Sperminator,” Mr. Schwarzenegger told the room of stunned reporters.
The former governor and film star said that he knew the child in question was his “after no one could understand a d@mn thing it was saying.”
He said that when he first learned he had fathered the child, he considered a variety of options to remedy the situation, including traveling back in time ten years and using a condom.
According to Mr. Schwarzenegger, today’s shocking revelation could end his political career, but he added, “On the plus side, I am now qualified to run the IMF.”
rockngolfer about 13 years ago
LOS ANGELES (The Borowitz Report) – Amid rumors that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff ten years ago, former California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made an emotional confession at a hastily called press conference today.
“I am the Sperminator,” Mr. Schwarzenegger told the room of stunned reporters.
The former governor and film star said that he knew the child in question was his “after no one could understand a d@mn thing it was saying.”
He said that when he first learned he had fathered the child, he considered a variety of options to remedy the situation, including traveling back in time ten years and using a condom.
According to Mr. Schwarzenegger, today’s shocking revelation could end his political career, but he added, “On the plus side, I am now qualified to run the IMF.”
WarBush about 13 years ago
Yup. He was experimenting the effects of Retardicans holding him accountable. Looks like no one gives a shiite.
Unless of course you’re John Edwards or Bill Clinton.
Dtroutma about 13 years ago
Maybe ALL politicians should wear chastity belts under their zippers? give the keys to their wives. (and a blowtorch)
rockngolfer about 13 years ago
^ You might do a better job of it, too.