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May 28, 2010
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Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling
USA TO RELINQUISH VAST TERRITORIES
Voluntary Adjustment for Past Gay-Fought Wars
The United States has decided to give much of its land to other nations, in order to right the wrongs of past wars. Congressman Clay Worthington (R-Tenn) explains. 
"We now know that something like 5 or 10% of any population is homosexual. That means that the American military of past generations, when such things were not even discussed, must have included a sizeable number of gays. 
"And so, because we won wars and defended land with a partially gay fighting force, which we deplore, we are giving up land we would have lost had our military been smaller, but fully heterosexual.
"It's a high price, but one we are willing to pay for our ideals."
Without improperly inflated troops, we wouldn't have taken this land from the original French settlers. Back it goes to France, and they can fill it with baguettes and tiny poodles for all we care. 
With diminished forces, we clearly would have succumbed to Germany in WWII, who would have advanced to our shores. Now these states can have the Socialist government they apparently crave. 
Not sure who to give Florida to...the Seminoles? Cuba? Spain? But clearly we're giving South Beach to SOMEONE!
The land of fruits and nuts couldn't have been won from Mexico without homo troops, so adios, muchachos! See ya when we peek over our wall. 
The new wholesomely straight, rightfully won U.S. of A. 
Won properly by 100% mainly cowboys and stoic ranchers. 
"After giving back these lands, we are left with a God-fearing, straight-shooting, McCain-voting nation, with an all-heterosexual military defending our families, including my own, consisting of myself, my wonderful wife, my two fine sons, and my manservant and baggage handler Manuel."
-Rep. Clay Worthington, New U.S.A.
Jun 11, 2010
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