Stone Soup by Jan Eliot for February 10, 2011

My mother and her boyfriend have been living in a “prolonged engagement/domestic partnership” for ten years (eleven come this fall). At my age, if that’s their decision, I respect it; although I do not entirely agree with it.

because family life is such a treasure (wink)

What hair?

\\//_

vanpelt - people always want to meddle and try to change others, when they should be looking in the mirror first. Doesn’t the progression go something like this..?

“When will you be in a relationship?” “When will you get married?” “When will you have a baby?” “When will you have another baby?”

p.s. Are you related to Derkins up there? ;-)

For couples living together without benifit of marriage. There is no commitment. One finds someone better they can move up without getting a divorce. For me hubby and I have been marriade soon to be 30 years. Grass is not greener on the other side. I know his wants he knows mine.

Oh and I’ve know couples living together and sometimes didn’t work. Can’t count to golden years. Just dating. Know don’t anyone start bashing me. Just my own opionion.

Wally you covered your tracks well.

I agree Kab; living together is a lack of commitment at the deepest emotional level. It is always keeping one foot out the door, in my opinion.

I disagree. Just because you decide not to marry, doesn’t mean the commitment isn’t there. Same goes if someone is married, it doesnt mean the person is 100% commited to the partner.. It all depends on hoe deep the relationship is between the people in it. Yes, it’s easier to move on and all, but thats part of it. You never know what would happen next. Life changes so easily and you have decisions to make. I don’t think matrimony is necessary, just an invention people made to make business and all that. But, if someone wants to marry I’ll be happy for them is their decision.

Commitment is hard but good. In May we’ll be married 49 years. Just wish our son saw us as an example.

Got married, getting divorced, not looking to get married again.

Been married 20 yrs got divorced and been happy ever since. People have asked me why I never married again, I said once is enough in learning.

Unfortunately some older people are forced to live together without marriage for financial reasons. As for us we have been married 35 years, been through the the rough times, now entering a whole new phase of learning each other, kind of a comfy, “old shoe” time. Marriage does provide a certain commitment they many(not all)are more likely to honor.

eiramde said it best. I am in a commonlaw relationship myself and we don’t feel a piece of paper needs to prove our commitment to each other. We certainly feel married.

Kab - If you don’t want people to bash you then don’t make grand generalizations about others. You don’t know anything about their level of commitment (or lack thereof) and whether they choose to get a piece of paper is no indication of commitment to one’s relationships.

Of course, there are also some couples who aren’t allowed to get married, at least in most states.

Getting married should be as difficult as getting divorced; then maybe people would take them more seriously. Either that, or getting divorced should be as easy as getting married…

Kab, I agree. 28 years here. Not always easy, but we love each other and are committed to each other, we KNOW each other…and sometimes can almost read each others minds. That piece of paper is just a confirmation of that commitment:-)

our most benevolent entity that it is penalizes marriage via a tax

In the case of Val and Phil, I get the feeling that Val’s the more hesitant to make “a commitment.” Besides, even if she decides she wants to be exclusive with Phil (which seems to be the case), and even make it permanent (the jury may still be out on that one), that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to be in a full time partnership. From our perspective they’ve been dating for years and years and years, but how long has it been in Comic Strip Time? I know that Holly remembers her father, but I’m not sure about Alix. How long has it been since Val’s husband died?

A marriage, like any contract, commitment, or promise, is as strong as the good faith of the parties involved. If they’ve got a strong relationship without a marriage certificate, having the piece of paper isn’t going to strengthen it. If they get married, it’s still going to take just as much continued good faith to make it a good marriage, and a bad marriage is worse than no marriage at all.

If you scroll down the GoComics listings a bit today, the latest “Tiny Sepuku” is worth checking out…

http://www.gocomics.com/tinysepuku

I was married for 16 (4 kids) and have been divorced for over 30. I’m happily single but would still love to have my BF who I met shortly after divorce) back in my life, living close by (he’s still way across the country where I lived), and in his own home -so we could “date” and stay overnight at each other’s homes. Once you’re past the “raising a family”, it all changes!

I’ve been married for over 20 years, my brother for a bit less, my sister and my other brother have lived with their respective mates for a similar amount of time. I see no difference in commitment or type of relationship. Here the absolute norm is that people live together for a while before getting (well, or not getting) married, I and hubby only lived together for a year before marriage and that’s a very short time for Iceland, and well, the other Nordic countries as well.