Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for December 28, 2017

Doubleday was trying to invent fishing shows?

Babe was actually pointing to the pitchers ear and said “Wait, is that a quarter there behind your ear?” Babe actually “pulled” this gag quite often! Monday was tight back then for ball players!

♪♫ Dock Ellis didn’t think he was pitching that dayBack in 1970When he and his wife took a trip to the ballparkA little bit differently

So by the time that he hit the bullpenHalf the world had melted awayThat’s about the time coach Murtaugh came and saidDoc, you’re pitching today

Taking the mound, the ground turned intoThe icing on a birthday cakeThe lead off man came up and turned intoA dancing rattlesnake

The crowd tracked back and forthIn waves of color underneath the sunThat ball turned into a silver bulletHis arm into a gun

I took a look all around the world one timeI finally discoveredYou can’t judge a book

Three up, three down for three straight inningsIn a zero, zero tieAs all those batters names come ringingFrom a voice out of the sky

Hallucinating Halloween scenesEach new swing of the batHis sinker looked like it was falling off a tableBut nobody was hallucinating that

I took a look all around the world one timeI finally discoveredYou can’t judge a book

By the top of the seventh, he was up one to nothingAnd giving them Padres fitsBy the bottom of the eighth, he was up two to nothingAnd they still hadn’t got any hits

With one out left to go in the gameThe batter looked like a baby childThat birthday cake was shakingThem waves of color was going wild

By the time that he mowed the last man downHe was high as he had ever beenLaughing to the sounds of the world going aroundCompletely unaware of the win

And while the papers would say he was scattered that dayHe was pretty as a pitcher could beThe day Dock Ellis of the Pittsburgh PiratesThrew a no hitter on LSD

♪♫ America’s Favorite Pastime – Todd Snider

Ruben Bolling is a Red Sox fan, then?

i kinda believe that about Ellis… although after once seeing him pick fights with fans at Wrigley, i’m inclined to think ’roid rage more likely.

And don’t forget about the Georgia Peach, Ty Cobb… what a sterling example of a human being!

True fact: Dock Ellis spelled his name wrong, so everybody else did too.

Hey, anyone who could actually pitch a no-hitter while on LSD deserves to be in the Hall of Fame! I’m amazed he could throw the ball in the right direction. And do you have any idea how hard it is to strike out a purple leprechaun??

There is a game played by two teams on a rectangular surface (field of play) that is of the same dimensions in every town for that game. The number of players for each side on the field of play is the same for each side. The object of the game is to place the object of play into the goal more often than the opponent in a prescribed amount of time. When your team controls the object of play it is said to be on Offence (Offense for our American friends) and when not, the team is on Defence (Defense). In some games, a game can end in a tie, in others it cannot and a proscribed amount of time, an overtime period, might be added to continue play until one team is ahead after that proscribed overtime. In some cases the overtime periods can be continued until there is a final winner and in others the game is ended in a tie. In the cases of championships determination overtimes continue until there is a definite winner. This general description fits basketball, field and ice hockey, American and Canadian Football, water polo, soccer, polo, and a few other sports.

Baseball has fields that beyond the diamond are not all identical to each other. The team on offence has between one and four players on the field while the team on defense has nine AND controls the object of play. If the game is tied (and there is NO time limit on the game) play continues until either the home team wins or cannot tie during its last innings.(Turn on offence)

Oh, I see, so “Dallas Cowboys” is short for “F*ck the Dallas Cowboys.” Same for the Patriots.