Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for July 12, 2015

Transcript:

Narrator: Meanwhile, in the Polynesian islands! Rip Haywire: TNT! I've found the location to the pirate's lair! Man: I've found Haywire and the dog, my queen's... intern. Voice: Make them bleed, gentlemen- Man: How much blood? We get paid by the quart. Voice: The queen's first order of business will be converting to the metric system! Narrator: Rip and TNT are on the tail of Cobra, who's going to become a Pirate Queen! Yowza! TNT: I got an email from R.J. "Floating your way on a fat cat... C-U soon" Rip Haywire: Kids and their slang! Let's find Cobra! Narrator: Speaking of Cobra... Woman: Are you prepared for your blood oath, my Queen? Cobra Carson: To be sinking pirate rich! You had me at "blood" Woman: There's one proviso- you must make Rip Haywire your man-slave! Cobra Carson: We were married for like a year! Isn't that close enough? Wait a sec! I need to make Rip Haywire my man-slave to become a Quueen? Woman: Yes and no. Yessers, if you want to inherit hundreds of years of Pirate treasure! Nopers, unless you want only what's left over from the Last Queen. Cobra Carson: How much is left? Woman: Can you break a dogbloon? Cobra Carson: Let me get this straight! To inherit tons of pirate booty-I have to make Rip my man-slave? Woman: And how!