Oh, if I were king, I’d:
Make Xmas wait until after Thanksgiving.
Make cars into Faraday cages for cell phone signals
Outlaw perfumed detergent, dryer sheets and deodorant.
Install real Pinocchio noses on anybody who purports to speak the truth.
Ban stretch pants on anybody with a BMI over 30
And see to it that political ads running more than 6 weeks before any election cause their candidate to break out with Acne Rosacea, flatulence and blisters on their palms.