Ted Rall for February 01, 2007
George W. Bush: I'm not addicted to crystal meth-heroin speedballs of any kind. However, they delineate quotas, I think, vulcanize society. If they pre-decease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one. Inadamantful cave chicken evil dweller! Man: I've got it! He's from our future! stet. G.W. Bush, the political figure whose bizarre behavior in television appearances has prompted speculations of substance abuse, is defending himself. In hundreds of videos Bush's demeanor has swung between manic and comatose. His speech is often slurred. Not only is his vocabulary not up to the standards of an adult American-born speaker, he misuses words and makes up others. U.S. kremlinologists point to bush's dilated pupils and varicose nose as classic signs of chemical impairment. Despite everything, Bush continues to maintain that he is clean and sober. Next, a scientist's startling claim: Bush is using proper English: as it will be spoken in the 23rd Century - after 200 more years of budget cuts in education!