Ted Rall for April 02, 2005
We're looking for a few good torturers! AS yu probably know, free-lance/civilian torturers are subject to arrest and prison time. (Woman: You pig! You need a permit to bind, much less torture and kill!) Even official government torturers face prosecution- if they torture American victims for a foreign country. (Man 1: Freeze, non-U.S. torturer! And prepare to be tortured!) Only American torturers working for the U.S. military enjoy total immunity from prosecution. (Man 2: Of course, there will be forms to fill out.) As a military torturer, you'll help the U.S. fight the war on terror, earn college credit and work at an age-old profession. (Woman 2: Bye.) (Man 3: I was working late sodomizing a Jordanian with a lit flare.) (Woman 3: I love you.) Best of all, you'll learn a trade you'll use out there in the real world. (Man 3: Sell me your company or I'll torture and kill you.) And are you an experienced pet killer/ rapist/ torturer? Call us! You may qualify for the R.O.T.C. (Reserve torturer officer corps)!