Ted Rall for January 15, 2005
The war on groundhog day. Late January early February: red-blooded Americans call out a time honored greeting in Anticipation of a traditional holiday. (Woman: Happy Feb. 2!) (Man: What?!?) That's right. Evil aclu secular humanists have made it politically incorrect to wish your neighbor a happy groundhog day. (Man: It's easy to forget, but to many Americans, February 2nd has no special significance. A pluralistic society must be sensitive to these people.) Some stores, bending to the winds of change, have even banished references to the Holiday from their displays. (Man: Our meteorologist customers are offended by the belief that weather can be predicted by a course, heavy set rodent.) Don't let the anti-groundhog Jihadis win. Proud American values are at stake! (Man: Happy Groundhog day! Say it loud and say it proud!) (Woman: I feel a sudden urge to wave a flag) Osama says: First February 2... next January 1!