Ted Rall for August 07, 2004
This fall, every vote counts. But these diabolical third-party candidates could deny John Kerry crucial votes in swing states. Without vile consumer advocate Ralph Nader to siphon off votes from Gore, the Supreme Court coup couldn't have happened. (Man: It is Nader's sacred duty to deny voters an alternative to the 2 big parties.) This year, Nader's back. But what if libertarian party candidate Michael Badnarick costs Kerry the presidency? (Man 2: Yeah, conservatives disgusted by GITMO might pull away votes that rightly belong to Kerry. Whatever.) Socialist Walt Brown knows the lefties he attracts would otherwise support Kerry. There goes Florida! (George Bush: I declare martial law, thanks, Walt.) The crucial Native American vote is Kerry's God-given right- but peace and freedom party leader Leonard Peltier is stealing it. (Man 3: You can bury the Indian vote at wounded knee, LT. Kerry!) The right-wing constitution party's Michael Peroutka seems like more of a threat to Bush than Kerry. Still, he shouldn't run either. (Man 4: For God's sake, drop out of the race!) (Man 5: No way. Only my ego matters!) Even one vote for Diane Templin of the American party could mean 4 more years of Bush. Please, please, please- make her stop! (Man 1: Not this year.) (Woman: In America it's great that anyone can run for-) Third-party spoilers: The ultimate danger to American Democracy!