Ted Rall for December 11, 2003
Hey foreigners! Don't get cut out of our next postwar business gold rush- sign up in advance! Select the option that best fits your budget: Timid Opportunist: We can't send any troops to Iran, but we'll vote for any U.N. resolution you need. What you'll get: No human rights complaints for 4 years. Bidding rights on small business deals. Visit from secretary of state or defense. Fearful suck-up: All we can spare you guys is a token force of soldiers we won't miss much. What you'll get: Bidding priority on postwar reconstruction. U.S. schools will teach one chapter about your country. Frequent flyer miles (Delta) Coalition Partner: Take my army! Trash my economy! Who cares that my citizens hate you yanks? What you'll get: Midsize Syrian/Iranian/N. Korean City named for you. Prefered status for our next war. 20% share of oil pipeline transit fees.