Ted Rall for October 28, 2000
Transcript:
Americans have blamed school shootings on everything from movies to guns shows to divorce. Now the truth is out: school shooters are actually suicide killers sent by Saudi dissident Osama bin Laden! It was me. So what? And that's not all! Americans are dying because they can't afford health insurance. Why? Terrorist Osama bin Laden has just been unmasked as the insurance industry's real backer! By my selling out my constituents and voting against socialized medicine, I'll be weakening the US! It's been a pleasure doing business with you, senator. The NSA has captured damning evidence on tape that Osama bin Laden doesn't wash his hands every time! Lightly rinsed but didn't use soap. Someone you know. Right now, as you're reading this, there's a 40% chance that Osama bin Laden is breaking into your car... Cool - Sony! This bad boy will score $12 at the Kandahar bazaar! Hurry up! Go take a look! Plaque? Yep; you got it. It'll be pretty tough for the great Satan to defend itself - when its citizens are laid low by periodontal disease! Osama says only fags floss!