Ted Rall for July 29, 2000
George W. Bush presents... Fresh leadership for a new era. George H. W. Bush acting shadow president: I resent the idea that every sentence requires a verb! Patty Hearst secretary of ladies suffrage: We trust men to represent us at the polls. John DeLorean czar, war on drugs: Hey, George: I got something for you. Dick Cheney chairman, whip inflation now! Americans with even-numbered plates can shop on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Norman Schwarzkopf secretary of war: We'll cut off the rebel bastards at Shiloh! G. Gordon Liddy press secretary: Bearing my gun in mind, does my 'stache look gay? Henry Kissinger ambassador to south Vietnam: We're working with Aryn to accelerate Vietnam-ization. Gerald Ford stunt double to Mr. Cheney: Americans with even-numbered spates pan stop on Mondays and other stuff. John Ehrlichman director, cointelpro: The black panther in question was not asleep when he was shot! John Mitchell attorney general: The slush fund somehow got mixed up with the hush money. J.F. Dulles ambassador to Austro-Hungarian empire: Let's let Realpolitik decide. George W. Bush liaison to dad: Yo, Johnny! I'll be right down.