Ted Rall for January 05, 1998
Politics meets the great beyond on The Psychic pundits network. Man: Today, the next few elections and their impact on the nation. With us we have Mary Groby of the Boston Globe and madame fortune's palmists, Inc. Mary, tell us about the 2000 vote. Woman: Sure thing, Bob. While the democrats will line up behind Al Gore at the convention, a primary challenge from Gephardt will wound them. The G.O.P will co-opt Jack Kemp with a veep spot on the Dan Quayle ticket and win by 6 points. The Quayle presidency will preside over a bad recession, a natural gas shortage and an epidemic of crime caused by the end of welfare in 2002. I see a Quayle sweep in 2004, followed by another republican win in 2008. Of course, and-term elections will return the senate to democratic control, perpetuating gridlock and inaction on such issues as infrastructure and race relations. Man: So what should we be doing in light of such a bleak, deterministic future ahead? Woman: I'd advise continued apathy.