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Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

hey, america! enough confusion! how many times must america's current hodgepodge mixture of metric and english customary measurements cause hopeless confusion before we settle on one system, disastrous misunderstandings will contonue?! president johnson, we can't win a war in a jungle almost 20,000 km away! why, ah kin throw a football that far! how much would we have to erase? about seven dekameters of tape. oh, they'll never notice that! hey, that indicates over 10,000 pounds of pressure! aren't you concerned? oh, no. three kilometer island is safe at that level. uh, wait a minute... capatin hazelwood, there's a reef coming up at 500 meters! great! then i've got time for a quick liter of vodka! so waht do the polls say? what's the weight of public opinion behind me? i'd say about a gram. fabulous! i'm off to kennebunkport! how can we be sure the glove will fit easily onto o.j.'s hand? there's about a cubic centimeter of extra room. great so he can't fake a tight fit! well okay, monica... but i refuse to violate ant of the eight commandments ruben - please make sure finished art is no longer than 33cm - Ed

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling The White House, West Wing Man: We need to return to heavy regulation of the financial industry NOW! Man #2: Yes! Secretary Geithner: Hey, slow down there. Secretary Geithner: Wouldn't it be smarter to just extend the TARP program, ensuring the flow of capital into the banks? Man #2: Absolutely not! Secretary Geithner: Look, we need to continue to support banks in this very critical time! It's best for ALL of us! Man #2: No, we've been under the banks' thumb for too long! BONK Man: Secretary Geithner! Man #2: Are you okay? Man: He was merely a dreamwalker! An AVATAR! Man #2: A BANKER in a REGULAR PERSON'S body! Man: Tim, welcome back to Wall Street! How did it go? Tim: It was horrible! Tim: There's nothing we can give them that they want! Man: Then it's all-out war! Tim: They keep their money here, here, and here. Man: The fools are just sitting on top of a mother lode of capital! Man #2: Go in there and get it. Man: Let's see how the other 246 banker avatars in Obama's administration are doing. Tim: Yes... Next: Tim: Although..they're such a simple, noble people. And there's something about that Secretary of State...

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling The White House, West Wing Man: We need to return to heavy regulation of the financial industry NOW! Man #2: Yes! Secretary Geithner: Hey, slow down there. Secretary Geithner: Wouldn't it be smarter to just extend the TARP program, ensuring the flow of capital into the banks? Man #2: Absolutely not! Secretary Geithner: Look, we need to continue to support banks in this very critical time! It's best for ALL of us! Man #2: No, we've been under the banks' thumb for too long! BONK Man: Secretary Geithner! Man #2: Are you okay? Man: He was merely a dreamwalker! An AVATAR! Man #2: A BANKER in a REGULAR PERSON'S body! Man: Tim, welcome back to Wall Street! How did it go? Tim: It was horrible! Tim: There's nothing we can give them that they want! Man: Then it's all-out war! Tim: They keep their money here, here, and here. Man: The fools are just sitting on top of a mother lode of capital! Man #2: Go in there and get it. Man: Let's see how the other 246 banker avatars in Obama's administration are doing. Tim: Yes... Next: Tim: Although..they're such a simple, noble people. And there's something about that Secretary of State...

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Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug's Super-Fun-Pak Comix Edited by Ruben Bolling Rick N' Nick Rick: Finally! We waited years for the TOP SPOT in Super-Fun-Pak Comix! Rick: It's a legendary spot and now it's all OURS! Rick: We worked so hard for this... Nick: We hope you enjoy us here. NEXT: Look for "RICK N' NICK" in their NEW position at SFPC - the fourth spot! Stupid, Stupid Comics For Morons Woman: Starr, we'll never outfly Murdor's fleet! Starr: We can if we hitch a ride with that comet! Starr: Robot, grab its tail! Brilliant Art For INtellectuals Starr: We can if we hitch a ride with that comet! Woman: Starr, we'll never outfly Murdor's fleet! The Ghost Of James Caan James Caan: Elliott Gould! Wake up! Elliott Gould: Yaa! It's the ghost of James Caan! Elliott Gould: Wait...isn't James Caan ALIVE?! James Caan: Yes, he'd like his Marvin Gaye CD back... Elliott Gould: Oh, okay. I'll bring it to Dyan's Friday. Percival Dunwoody, Idiot Time Traveler From 1909 Percival: I have come from the year 1909 to warn you of a terrible danger! Percival: A horrific steamship collision in Long Island Sound in 1907! Man: Uh, you traveled FORWARD in time! Percival: I just thought you might be interested. How to Draw DOUG Part I 1 Draw Doug's mother 2 Draw Doug's father 3 Draw cocktail glasses 4 Draw bed 5 Add dialogue Mother: oh my god! Last night, did we...? Man: Um, I gotta go, lady. 6 And there you have little Doug! Next - Part II: finishing up. Drawing Doug's schools, dunce caps and pimples

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug's Super-Fun-Pak Comix Edited by Ruben Bolling Rick N' Nick Rick: Finally! We waited years for the TOP SPOT in Super-Fun-Pak Comix! Rick: It's a legendary spot and now it's all OURS! Rick: We worked so hard for this... Nick: We hope you enjoy us here. NEXT: Look for "RICK N' NICK" in their NEW position at SFPC - the fourth spot! Stupid, Stupid Comics For Morons Woman: Starr, we'll never outfly Murdor's fleet! Starr: We can if we hitch a ride with that comet! Starr: Robot, grab its tail! Brilliant Art For INtellectuals Starr: We can if we hitch a ride with that comet! Woman: Starr, we'll never outfly Murdor's fleet! The Ghost Of James Caan James Caan: Elliott Gould! Wake up! Elliott Gould: Yaa! It's the ghost of James Caan! Elliott Gould: Wait...isn't James Caan ALIVE?! James Caan: Yes, he'd like his Marvin Gaye CD back... Elliott Gould: Oh, okay. I'll bring it to Dyan's Friday. Percival Dunwoody, Idiot Time Traveler From 1909 Percival: I have come from the year 1909 to warn you of a terrible danger! Percival: A horrific steamship collision in Long Island Sound in 1907! Man: Uh, you traveled FORWARD in time! Percival: I just thought you might be interested. How to Draw DOUG Part I 1 Draw Doug's mother 2 Draw Doug's father 3 Draw cocktail glasses 4 Draw bed 5 Add dialogue Mother: oh my god! Last night, did we...? Man: Um, I gotta go, lady. 6 And there you have little Doug! Next - Part II: finishing up. Drawing Doug's schools, dunce caps and pimples

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Mar. 1959 Issue JOIN THE GOD-MAN FAN CLUB! God-Man Fan Club March 26, 1960 Dear Norman Moser Your membership in the God-Man Fan Club is to expire. We know you do not allow this to happen, so send fifty cents to the below address as soon as possible. By renewing your membership God-Man The Superhero With Omnipotent Powers! in "LAPSED"! CELL PHONES $99 Man: Big Louie wants to see you, Moser! Moser: I can explain! MOSER ELECTRONICS Man: You're through explaining! Moser: Oh, no! Don't do this! Moser: Thank goodness! Here comes GOD-MAN! Moser: H-he passed right by! But...why? Moser; Why? WHY? The End

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Mar. 1959 Issue JOIN THE GOD-MAN FAN CLUB! God-Man Fan Club March 26, 1960 Dear Norman Moser Your membership in the God-Man Fan Club is to expire. We know you do not allow this to happen, so send fifty cents to the below address as soon as possible. By renewing your membership God-Man The Superhero With Omnipotent Powers! in "LAPSED"! CELL PHONES $99 Man: Big Louie wants to see you, Moser! Moser: I can explain! MOSER ELECTRONICS Man: You're through explaining! Moser: Oh, no! Don't do this! Moser: Thank goodness! Here comes GOD-MAN! Moser: H-he passed right by! But...why? Moser; Why? WHY? The End

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Mar. 1959 Issue JOIN THE GOD-MAN FAN CLUB! God-Man Fan Club March 26, 1960 Dear Norman Moser Your membership in the God-Man Fan Club is to expire. We know you do not allow this to happen, so send fifty cents to the below address as soon as possible. By renewing your membership God-Man The Superhero With Omnipotent Powers! in "LAPSED"! CELL PHONES $99 Man: Big Louie wants to see you, Moser! Moser: I can explain! MOSER ELECTRONICS Man: You're through explaining! Moser: Oh, no! Don't do this! Moser: Thank goodness! Here comes GOD-MAN! Moser: H-he passed right by! But...why? Moser; Why? WHY? The End

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Lucky Ducky The Poor Little Duck Who's Rich In Luck in "Illegal Fowl" Hound: THERE'S one, officer! Right in front of my house! Hound: THIS is one of those migratory waterfowls! Hound: They just fly into Houndsville and use our social services, and commit crimes, and... Policeman: I'll handle this! Policeman: So...ARE you a migratory waterfowl? Lucky Ducky: No, I was born here. Policeman: You look suspiciously migratory. Lucky Ducky: I LIVE here! Hound: You've got the bill and the feathers... Lucky Ducky: I never LEFT! Policeman: And how do you explain the webbed feet? Lucky Ducky: Um...they're attached to me... Policeman: I'm going to have to ask you for your papers. Lucky Ducky: Papers? Hound: He doesn't have any! That proves he's one! Policeman: Come on, I'm taking you in. Hound: Tsk! His kind is destroying our society! Bird: Excuse me, Officer! I confess. I'M a migratory waterfowl. Policeman: Okay, let's go! Lucky Ducky: Whew Hound: B-but... Hound: Of course HE'S a migratory waterfowl! That's my GARDENER! Lucky Ducky: Gotcha! The End

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling

Tom the Dancing Bug's Super-Fun-Pak Comix Edited by Ruben Bolling How To Draw Doug 1. Dream, aspire, think, feel, work. 2. Attempt to create art that will enlighten and inspire. 3. Fail in a very specific way. Doug: Uh...voila! Percival Dunwoody, IV, Idiot Time Traveler From 3 Days Ago Percival: ...and this new version of Firefox is truly a futuristic marvel. Man: Exactly how did you achieve time travel? Percival: I waited in that chair. Dinkle, The UNlovable Loser Dinkle: Officer, doing a one-man public performance of "Bad Lieutenant" is within my rights. Police Officer: NOT while you're portraying Dopey at Disney World! Too Many Panels/ Too Much Information Comix Man: I'm on a fat-free diet. Man: I'm FREE to get very FAT. Man: Also, I'm impotent. Petey the Pixel Petey: My mother wanted me to go into medicine...perhaps part of an x-ray. Petey: But no, I had to have a career in ART! So, where do I end up? Petey: A pimple on Doug's back! Doug: Oh, cut it out. Spooky Ghost Story Phone: Miss, we traced that mysterious phone call. Woman: Yes? Phone: Miss, it came from...INSIDE YOUR HOUSE!! AAAA Phone: And, the caller was...the GHOST OF JAMES CAAN! AAAH AAAH Woman: Wait. I don't think James Caan is dead. Woman: Oh, hold on. There's the doorbell. DING DONG James Caan: Hi. Is my ghost here? He forgot his lunch. James Caan Ghost: Oh, thanks.
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