Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal by Zach Weinersmith for January 30, 2016
Dear Jesus... I don't really like church, and a bunch of your rules are just no fun. So, I'm gonna skip all that stuff until right before I die. Then I'm gonna repent and go to heaven. What if you get hit by a bus before you can repent and change your ways? I'll make you a deal: the odds of getting hit by a bus are about one in ten million. In exchange for believing in you about one ten millionth of the time, I'd like to be absolved of sin in the case of bus-related death. What about all the other ways to die? At your age, the mortality rate is about 9.2%. Okay, 0.2% of the time, I'll believe in you. That's about 16 hours a year. So, I'll give you Easter mass, and whenever I want something really bad. Which is what I was doing anyway. As my age-based mortality rate increases, I'll begin attending church at a commensurate rate until, late in life, I'll spend all day at church just to be safe. Holy crap. This is why people get more religious over time. Wow. Great omniscience up there, guy.