Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for July 26, 2015
Rip Haywire: No way will I be your man-slave! I don't care how hot you look with an eyepatch and a hook-hand! Sure, this may have been one of my secret fantasies but in real life, no way! Woman: Then by the pirate code you will die a thousand deaths! TNT: Dog-slave! Dog-slave here! Woman: Rip has to become your man-slave if you want to inherit centuries of pirate loot! Cobra Carson: I'm in! Rip Haywire: Well, I ain't! Woman: Then he must die a thousand deaths-into the pit, hunky! Cobra Carson: Wait! So soon? Woman: Dying a thousand deaths is a lot quicker than it sounds, my Queen. Cobra Carson: You're going to kill him now? No foreplay? Woman: Nopers! Send in the tigers!