Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for April 28, 2013
Rip Haywire Rip: It all started when I was a boy - I was on yet another top secret mission with my mom. Steve: I'm listening, mercenary swine! At first, I thought most kids my age spent their summer vacations running reconnaissance for their mother's top secret missions. Rip: You're good mama bird - move out! Mom had sno-cone juice in her veins - no job was too hard. We lived on danger and fun-shaped macaroni - those were good days - Good days - but like little Michael Jackson, I longed for a normal childhood - getting wrapped up in marvel's "secret wars" and getting sick on big league chew. Mom: On three we shut this poor excuse for an evil terror group down, eh, Rip? One-two- Rip: Mom, I want out! Shrapnel wounds and knife fights are only fun a handful of times. Mom: Aww, c'mon, kiddo. Cover mommy with the AK-47 - it's our favorite assault rifle.