Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for September 07, 2012
Chancy: Where have you been, lucky? Rip: I did a little scouting around the rogue Amish farm. They're holding your women prisoner, forcing them to make shoddy quilts! They cried for better patterns and higher thread counts, but the rogue Amish just laughed! Fear not, regular Amish! The integrity of your souvenirs will be restored to you! Man: Speaking of, would you like to buy some apple butter? Ten percent off, today!