Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for March 26, 2012
Cobra: Rip, I'll tell you how I dodged death later. Right now, make out with me in front of the hag who'll never have you! Poi: Don't be so sure, Cobra! Do you see that sporty boat in the distance? That's my pirate crew coming! They'll swab the deck with your guts, and then give it a nice lavender-scented finish! Cobra: Can we out-run them? Rip: We'll have to try! Poi: Good luck with that! Those boats are ranked #1 in their class by J.D. Power and Associates! Rip: I'm starting to understand why you had her Shanghaied. Cobra: Ugh! You should've seen her when she was on a coke 2 bender!