Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for February 24, 2014
oh, the things you'll forget! when your head is too full and your brain's fact-impacted, then you wish for some way to become fact-redacted! try this, you must! it will sweep your head clean, the extroodle mcnoodle redacting machine! insert head now inside the guts of this useful device, are two little demons much smaller than mice. and each has a shovel whose scooper's minutial. with them they scoop out all the facts that aren't crucial. out with the unwanted details & learning: what letterman said, what bill gates is earning. which chemical's needed for terrorist bombs, old leftover punchlines from vapid sitcoms! guy: ow! agh! ooh! that's it! yeah! man: it all sounds so easy, i can't hardly wait, to be in a persistent vegetable stale!
Thing 1 and Thing 2?