Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 30, 2012
ambiguous toys ideal gifts for not-all-that-well-behaved children with passive-aggressive parents. mr. factoad watch the kids try to run when mr. factoad starts spewing an endless stream of paintless and unreliable facts! covers history, science, economics, the arts & celebrity biography! there's no off switch and the slightest movement sets him going! hours of relentless fun! toad: the incas had no word for "fidget." beets are an aphrodisiac. toulouse-lautrec was lactose intolerant. my first commute comes with 8 feet of track and over 1700 vehicles! and-uh oh-looks like another semi has tipped over! kid: aagh yawno based on a pile of twigs found in an ancient peruvian burial site! it might have been a game or it might have been just a pile of twigs! unengrossing! the last one paying attention wins! girl: i win. boy: z li'l lumpy a lump of actual coal with rudimentary features carved in it! the gift that's sure to send a mixed message! boy 2: i asked for war toys. toad: ducks can smell fear.