Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for July 16, 2011
woman: i'm engrossed in "duck! the complete guide to modern living." with over 250,000 pages & reinforced binding, it doubles as a handy, family-size emergency shelter. kid: mommy! i'm trapped in the index! duck! the complete guide to modern living. man: i'll just be trying to decipher the instructions on this bottle of medicine, so don't you mind me. what in hell does "flummoxofin" treat, anyway? boy: until a new "harry potter" comes out, i'm going to concentrate my reading on cereal boxes exclusively. i find that there is much to learn from the feverish, sugar-crazed imaginings of over-paid copywriters with too much space to fill and hey there's no toy in this one. boy 2: i read only the comics page, the last venue for quality work by dead white males. man 2: "brewed using only the finest malt, hops & barley." there, i read something. go away.