Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 23, 2011
spring guide to plants best avoided verbatum parrots your every word in a high-pitched whine. woman: why did I ever plant that thing? cut it out! i'm gettin' the shovel! i mean it! verbatum: why did I ever plant that thing? cut it out! i'm gettin' the shovel! i mean it! screaming bloody verdure panicky & high-maintenance. plant: i have an aphid on me! me too! aagh! puerilium unfit for the more refined garden. gardener: how de trop. magic bean-stalk produces an endless supply of gigantic, not-very-tasty beans. wife: none of the neighbors want any more, either. husband: well, go see if you can trade 'em for a cow or something.