Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for March 24, 2011
spring planting guide to unpleasant blooms flowers: hey! where's that water? c'mon c'mon! you just going to stand there? is there some else i could talk to? impatience- an extremely irritating bloom. put it in a pot and throw it away. stalking petunia: persistently annoying. may require a restraining order. "tank-killer" tea rose- hybrid developed by u.s. army for use in desert storm. necrotizing fuchsia- not recommended for yards with pets or small children. plant: arh! arh! arh! voice: down! scrofulous terrier plant- sheds all year, smells bad and will try to scratch itself.