Recent Comments

1. 1 day ago on Clay Bennett

   Maybe that’s why Generalissimo Corpulente was pitching an otherwise-inexplicable tantrum about multiple flushes…he has no honor of his own, of course, but every day he’s crapping away the entire nation’s.

2. 2 days ago on Tom the Dancing Bug

   I’ve no beef with Scorsese opining that Marvel movies aren’t “cinema” in the snobby “arthouse” sense (although Ruben is quite right to mock that “same story over and over” garbage; it’s hypocritical AND untrue, and reveals that Martin doesn’t have the first clue about what he’s judging). Conversely Francis Ford Coppola, who made sure that Victor Salva remained gainfully employed in Hollywood after his release, doesn’t get to lecture anyone on what’s “despicable,” despite his obvious expertise on the subject.

   …Ruben IS mocking that, right? Because I think there’s maybe six guys left in Tinseltown who haven’t portrayed Jimmy Hoffa or someone standing in for Jimmy Hoffa or some other obnoxious mug who rose to power in organized crime only to lose everything.

   “Endgame” didn’t prevent you from making “The Irishman.” If you want to do something of value for cinema, fellas, go pick on slasher/torture/gorenography movies. …I mean, if that wouldn’t hit too close to home.

3. 3 days ago on Tom the Dancing Bug

   “Records show that you mocked Our Beloved God Emperor For Life in 2019. You’re being transferred to the coal mines.”

4. 5 days ago on Phoebe and Her Unicorn

   1. No worries! A loving (and undoubtedly confused) pet was casually passed around to rectify the situation!

   2. Yes, but the text has to be completely written out because a sofa cushion can’t express the subtle inflections that distinguish “I am Groot” from “I am Groot” (pardon my French).

5. 14 days ago on Phoebe and Her Unicorn

   Sure, that’s why people go to college for years and have created a worldwide peer-review system to constantly crosscheck each other’s data—to run a scam based on a fairy tale. Scientists, bah! They imprison people unjustly, slaughter each other, harm children, meddle in politics, even commit genocide, all in the name of Darwin! And it’s not like they can actually observe evolution take place in the accelerated life cycles of microorganisms! All proof is planted by Satan to confuse us!No, the real reality is that a giant magical sky elf made all life and the universe itself for—um—reasons, and smiles upon institutions that collect vast amounts of cash, reject evidence in favor of blind faith, threaten anyone who points out wrongdoing, and have zero standards or outside regulation over their own behavior.

6. 14 days ago on Phoebe and Her Unicorn

   She’s got magic, though. She can levitate things, like a brush or a back scratcher. No, she just wanted to get her full weight into it—just smash that plot into that rough bark and grind the heck out of…(ahem) I’m sorry, I forgot where I was for a moment.

7. 14 days ago on Phoebe and Her Unicorn

   Y’ gotta admit, she’s quick with the “NO, U!” move.

8. 16 days ago on Tom the Dancing Bug

   I’m sure there will be plenty more before it’s all said and done. Human trafficking, for example, for all those children who have been “lost”…

9. 16 days ago on Phoebe and Her Unicorn

   As long as no one’s named Joey Jo-Jo Junior Shabadooblin.

10. 16 days ago on Mike Luckovich

    Nunes is just following his emperor’s example.