If the dog won’t eat it, give it to Dad.
I saw my proctologist and he thinks I’m … never mind.
Why is there a Stairway To Heaven but a Highway To Hell?
A masochist says “Hurt me.” A sadist says “No.”
I knew a guy who went to Vegas in a $60,000 car and came home in a $300,000 bus.
It’s all behind you now, Brutus.
It’s farther, not further.
I went to what I thought was my High School reunion, but I must have gotten the address wrong. It was some sort of senior citizen convention.
No, they wanted him to give an annoying secretary a ride home.