Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 03, 2016
Goat: What do you have there, Rat? Rat: An inspirational alarm clock. I designed it to help folks start their day on the right note. Alarm clock: Your day will be ruined by a @#*&#*@ idiot. Goat: How does that inspire me? Rat: Yesterday, it was two idiots.