Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 16, 2011
Newman: I don't get it, Rat. Our ratings are up ten percent since you came here. How do you do it? Rat: Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear. Newsman: Fear, huh? But how? Rat: I'll show you. Name something we all have in our house and something we all do. Newsman: Uh... mayonnaise... sleep. Rat: Tonight at six... how your mayonnaise jar may be trying to suffocate you in your sleep. Newsman: Wow. Rat: At eleven... how you can protect yourself from your homicidal mayonnaise. In the Channel 7 newsroom.