Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 29, 2010
Danny Donkey hated life. He hated the routine. He hated the obligations. He hated the cold. So Danny Donkey went to Key West. There, he sat on the beach. And drank. And sat on the beach. And drank. Then one day he got a call from his mother. "Vacation is one thing," said his mother, "But you cannot live out the rest of your life drinking beetr on a beach." "Why is that?" Asked Danny Donkey. "Because life must have BALANCE," said his mother, "And GOALS. And ACHIEVEMENTS." Danny Donkey paused. For he knew that his mother was right. So Danny Donkey balanced a beer on his head and set a goal of throwing his cell phone into the sea, which he achieved. Rat says, "'And that's why you should always listen to your mother, kids.'" Goat says, "THIS is your 'mother's day gift book'?" Pig says, "Look at me, mama! Look at me!"