Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 14, 2008
Elly Elephant was the sweetest elephant who ever lived. Every day when she awoke, she told herself, 'today I will make someone else's life better' So Elly Elephany gave money to friends. I'll give you money. Thank you, Elly She did favors for relatives. I'll help you move. Thank you, Elly. And she helped all of hre neighbors. I'll mow your lawn. Thank you Elly Rrrr One day Elly Elephant's house burned down, 'it's okay,' she said, 'because I have friend and relative and neighbors. THey will help me as I have helped them' But no one came. So Elly Elephant gathered together all of her friends and relatives and neighbors. And pounced on their heads. pounce pounce pounce Goat says, "This is the children's book character you're calling the new 'winnie the pooh'?!" Rat says, "Yeah, it's like Winne the Pooh if he weighed more and could kill people." Pig says, "Chapter two...'Roo is through.'"